Chapter 2: Dickon
'Dickon, I have to speak to you. Alone.'
Colin's pointed voice and serious expression caught my attention. I looked carefully at the lad just then, noticing the worried look that graced his delicate features.
'Aye, of course, Colin.' I replied, trying to keep my tone casual. 'Shall we walk then?'
We made our way downstairs, to the busy hub of the Inn. Like most Yorkshire Inns, the downstairs held a public house and eatery, and it was here that Colin stopped.
'So, ah, how about a drink then, eh Dickon?'
His tone, although casual, was tinged with tension. I nodded in reply, wondering what it was the lad would have to say. Surely something to do with their return, I thought.
'Barman, two pints thank you.' Colin indicated towards the stout man behind the bar. We pulled up a chair beside the fireplace, Colin stiffly sitting down beside me. Although we had spent a good portion of our childhood together, Colin still believed in the distinctions of class. I was but a mere gardening boy, and he was the son of the Lord of Misselthwaite manor.
'So wha' is it then, Colin?' I asked. 'Wha' is it that tha' wishes t' discuss?'
He groaned deeply, and placed his head in his hands.
'It's about why we're here, Dickon.'
'Well, I was wonderin' about that. I'll take it tha' Father does not know?'
'No, he doesn't know. Dickon, we've... Samantha, Mary and I have... run away.'
'Run away?' I was not expecting this. 'But why?'
'Dickon... it's about Mary. She has had a little... shall we say 'trouble' recently, in London.'
My heart sank in my chest. Surely this couldn't be?
'Wha' kind of trouble does tha' mean?' I asked.
Colin's eyes widened as I spoke, as if he were afraid to speak.
'It's of a very delicate nature, Dickon.' he said presently, stopping to take a hearty swig from his ale mug.
If Mary had been in any kind of trouble I intended to find out as quickly as possible, and felt my ire rise at Colin's hesitation.
'Look, whatever it is, I need to know, Colin. We've known each other for six years. We munna keep secrets from each other. Especially when it's concernin' Mary.'
'You're right Dickon, of course. Well, it all started on the night of her birthday party – she had a, erm, encounter with William Sutherland.'
'Their son?' my eyes narrowed. 'Wha' did he do t' her, Colin.'
My voice rose as I spoke, I couldn't help it. I thought of Mary, how she had left and I had been forced to stay behind while she went far away. And now something had happened to her, and I hadn't been there to protect her. I felt sick to my stomach.
'He...he...' Colin looked furtively around the bar before lowering his voice until it was barely a whisper. 'He forced himself on her, Dickon.'
I felt myself freeze at Colin's words.
'He wha'?' I whispered, leaning towards him.
'He forced himself on her.' Colin looked uncomfortable. 'For gods sake Dickon, don't you understand?'
'Aye. I understand alright. I understand tha' she was helpless and obviously,' I emphasised the word 'not around those who could protect her.' At this I looked pointedly at Colin. 'How could tha' let this happen to her?'
My anger was building and I could feel my heartbeat becoming more rapid. Suddenly, the room felt too warm, too narrow, Colin's bewildered gaze too much to bear. I pushed myself up from the table.
'I'll tell tha' somethin' Colin. When I find him, he may well wish he had nev'r been born.'
'Dickon!' Colin hissed. 'Calm down, man! she is safe now, we got her out of London, and away from him. Dickon, you don't understand -'
'Don't tell me t' calm down. Because of him she will be -'
I didn't finish. I could barely hear Colin's voice as my fury rose. I looked at my childhood companion, seated opposite from me at the table. His face was white and his features pinched. His agate gray eyes glistening with – what was it? passion, fear? I couldn't take it any longer. I closed my eyes before bringing my fist down on the tabletop.
Colin gasped and jumped up, almost out of his seat. The look on his face might have been comical if it hadn't been such a serious situation.
'Enough!' I shouted. His frightened look brought me back to my senses.
'Dickon?', gasped Colin, reaching his hand towards me. 'Are you -'
'Just leave me be, Colin.' I pushed his hand away. 'Please, just leave me alone.'
I turned and moved quickly out of the Inn, leaving Colin's dazed expression behind, watching me as I left. I pushed past the patrons who were giving us queer looks, and made my way outside. I didn't look back, but ran blindly to the stables, where my horse was tethered. I needed to think, I needed to get away, and most of all, I needed the solace that the moor provided.
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I forced Jenny to a gallop once we reached the edge of the moor, barely noticing the bitter tears of frustration and pain that were blurring my vision. I rode her hard, then drew her to a walk. Jumping off, and holding her reins in my hand, I leant hard against her warm body and let myself cry, for the first time since Mary had left for London.
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I spent the rest of the day feeling as though I wasn't there, but just going through the motions. My mind was in turmoil. I made sure I went and spoke to Andrew, and he agreed to drive the party up to Misselthwaite in his good's cart the following morning. If my eyes were red, he didn't say anything about it, in the way that Yorkshire men do. It wasn't considered manly to talk about your feelings. But I did notice he seemed kinder and more considerate towards me than usual.
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'You're late.' Ben grunted at me when I returned. 'Wha' took thee so long?'
The old man was frowning at me darkly. I decided to try and side step the issue.
'I'm sorry Ben, but I got held up.'
'Learn to be more careful, boy.' was the old gardener's reply. 'tha' will never make head gardener if tha' cannot keep th' time.'
'I said I was sorry, Ben.' I replied, rather shortly, turning away from him and walking towards the kitchen gardens. I was in no mood to argue with the old man about something so trifling. My head was in turmoil.
'And mind yer manners!' he shouted after me. I didn't reply.
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I didn't sleep that night. As I lay in my narrow bed in the small room of the cottage, images cascaded through my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about Mary, and what had happened to her. I imagined what I would do if I ever found William Sutherland, and clenched me teeth together tightly as I imagined smashing my fist into his grinning face. Of course, I had never hit anyone in my life, but I figured now I had a reason to start.
In the morning I performed my duties, but my heart was not in it. I kept listening vainly for the sound of the carriage making it's way up the drive. I wanted to see Mary, yet I didn't. I didn't want her to see how the news of her attack had affected me.
Around midday, one of the kitchen hands pelted out into the kitchen gardens. It was Susie, who worked under the cook, Mrs Crabtree. We had a casual acquaintance and often exchanged a few words when she came to collect herbs and vegetables for cook. Her face was bright and flushed, and her words came tumbling out of her mouth before she even stopped.
'Dickon! you'll never guess who has just turned up. Miss Mary and Master Craven! and they've a young lady with 'em!'
I stopped digging, placing my fork down slowly. My heart quickened. I steadied myself and gripped the handle tightly.
'Wha's tha' y' say?' Old Ben interjected, thankfully saving me from having to talk to her. 'The master's son is back? but tis too soon.'
'I know, they just arrived now. And on the back of Andrew Ramsay's goods cart.' she emphasised the last two words, then giggled.
'On the back o' a Good's cart?' Ben repeated, his eyes widening in disbelief. He shook his head. 'Oh dear, the master is not going t' be happy about that.'
'Everyone is talking about it.' she whispered, conspiratorily. 'Something must have happened.'
'Hmmph. Something no good most like.' the old gardener said.
She turned towards me. 'Can you believe it, Dickon?'
'Wha' I can't believe,' I said harshly 'is that tha' would come here and waste our time with your idle gossip.'
'Dickon!' Ben exclaimed. 'Wha' has got into tha', lad?'
Susie sniffed disdainfully. 'You've never before complained about chattin' t' me, Dickon. What's got up your nose?'
Her shocked look brought me back to my senses.
'Nothin', I'm just tired is all.' I mumbled.
'Well, if tha' doesn't want t' know what is happenin' in the house, then I won't tell thee.' Susie replied, before turning and stalking off back to the manor.
'Tha's no way to treat a lass.' Ben grumbled to me, as soon as she was far enough away. 'Wha' is tha' problem, boy?'
The problem, Ben, I thought, is that the woman I love has been through hell and back... and I wasn't there to help her. And I don't know what to do about it.
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As soon as the sun set, and we had eaten our dinner, I once again found myself saddling Jenny. I needed to distance myself from the house and to think.
It was a chilly autumn night, and the wind was whistling through the heather in the moor. The lack of moonlight gave the feeling of being swallowed up by the blackness. I welcomed it. More than anything right now, I wanted to be able to stop feeling. My thoughts always came back to Mary, and what had happened to her at the hands of the Sutherlands. I felt confused about how to approach her about it, and I felt confused about Colin. He should have been there to protect her, I reasoned. But he had let it happen.
We rode on through the night, Jenny walking at a leisurely pace. The world just wasn't just, I thought. In the world we inhabited, I was a mere commoner – Mary, the niece of a Lord. The boundaries surrounding us hadn't seemed so rigid at childhood – back then it didn't seem to matter where you lived, or what your family did. Now things were so different. I loved Mary, but sometimes felt as though being with her was violating the natural order of things. - as if we were breaking some unspoken law.
But I did love her, and I cared about her so much. I wondered if that was what was making my heart ache so much.
'Oh Jenny', I whispered, running my hand down her dark neck. 'What am I going t' do?'
I was so deep in thought that I was almost thrown off Jenny's back as she shied violently.
'Easy girl, easy.' I said quickly, gathering her reins in my hand, trying to see what had startled her. Whatever it was, it had to be still out there. She was snorting in fear, and hadn't settled.
'Shhhh Lass.' I said softly, jumping down. I was intent on discovering what it was that had unnerved her so.
A voice came out of the darkness just then, borne by the cold wind, a voice which I knew so well and had haunted my dreams for the past few months. My heart stopped for a moment and I gasped, straining my ears to hear.
'Dickon? Dickon... is that you?'
A figure emerged out of the darkness, and I barely noticed Jenny shying away, the reins taut in my hands. She was small, her head shrouded in a shawl, but I recognised her at once. It was Mary.
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