My Secret, Chapter 20

Chapter 20:
Return to Misselthwaite

Thankfully it wasn't raining.

That was what Sam and Colin had said, that morning when we set out on our journey to Misselthwaite, but it was the last thing on my mind at the moment. What really bothered me, and was distracting me from taking in the breathtaking beauty of the moors around us, was Dickon's absence. After promising last night that he would accompany us to Misselthwaite, he had not showed up this morning.

The cart jostled and bumped over the gravel road, the Clydesdales pulling it at a steady pace. The wind whipped around us, and I looked over to Sam and saw her pulling her hat down over her forehead, as a particulary strong gust of wind nearly blew it away. Colin was laughing at her, and reached over to straighten her scarf, which was getting tangled. The two of them seemed happy and without a care in the world. I couldn't have felt any different.

I was going home, but I didn't know how receptive my Uncle would be of our sudden reappearance, and then there was Dickon. Why hadn't he showed up this morning as he had promised to? Andrew Ramsay, Dickon's brother in law, had made his apologies for Dickon's absence, saying that Dickon had been inundated with work in the manor gardens, and had not been able to spare the morning. At this I had looked suspiciously at Colin, who had looked away, his cheeks growing pink. I had remembered what I had overheard the night before, when Colin and Sam had been discussing what Colin had said to Dickon regarding my early and unexpected arrival.

'Did you tell him?'

'I had to. What else could I have said?'

'How did he take it?'

'Badly......I've never seen Dickon so angry in my life.'

The question that was burning me up inside was this – was Dickon angry at William for what he had done, or worse, was he angry at me?

My stomach churned nervously as the cart jostled along. I knew that it would only be a matter of time before I found out the truth.

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'Oh Mary, Colin...... it's so beautiful!'

Andrew had guided the horses towards the enterance of the walk, enclosed in Oak trees. The autumn colours were vibrant and bright against the blue sky, providing a stark contrast. I had forgotten how breathtaking this part of the grounds were, and delighted in seeing Sam's reaction.

'Was it worth running away for then?' I joked.

'Absolutely.'

'Wait till you see the rest of the grounds, Samantha.' Colin butted in eagerly. 'Of course, the gardens are not at their best this time of year, but there are still some beautiful trees and plants to admire.'

'I'm looking forward to it.' She said, turning to him and smiling.

I knew that more urgent matters were at hand that needed to be addressed, and I said to Colin: 'we need to discuss what we are going to do when we arrive.'

'Agreed.' He replied, his face becoming serious. 'Ah.... I was thinking that perhaps I should be the one to speak to Father?'

That sounded like a good idea. I didn't particularly like the idea of confronting Uncle Archie with the news of why we had come. I sighed in relief.

'Will you mention to him...... the .... events that happened ..... over my birthday?' I asked, swallowing nervously.

Colin's face grew flushed. We had never openly discussed what had happened before and this was as close as we had ever come to mentioning what had happened that night.

'Y-Yes, of course. He has to know what happened and why we had to leave.'

Sam took my hand in hers and stroked it gently.

'Don't worry too much Mary. Your Uncle sounds like a reasonable man. I'm sure he'll understand why we had to leave.'

'What about you, Sam? what will he think of you accompanying us?'

'I've already spoken to Colin about that.' Colin nodded affirmatively. 'We agreed that he would tell his Father that I have come along for moral support to you. We are hoping that he will speak to my Father and help to .... clear the air, somewhat.'

'I'm sure Father will listen to what I have to say.' Colin reassured us.

'I hope so.' I replied, still not entirely convinced. I imagined what would happen if Uncle Archie did not support Colin's decision. Would he make us go back to London. I shuddered. I would rather die than go back there.

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'Sir..... what a pleasant surprise.'
I found myself staring into the wrinkled face of Mrs Medlock. It took me a while to realise that 'sir' was now Colin's official title. She turned around and caught sight of me, and Sam, her eyes widening in surprise.

'Oh! Miss Lennox – why, we weren't expecting you and -'

'Miss Samantha Sutherland, Mrs Medlock.'

Mrs Medlock held out her hand.

'Well, very pleased to meet you, I'm sure. Although we had no idea that you were coming.' she noticed the goods cart from which we had stepped down from moments before, adding: 'and on the back of Mr Ramsay's goods cart?'

Colin strode over and placed his arm around her shoulders, leading her away. 'Do not concern yourself with this Medlock. I will explain everything to you in due time. In the meantime, could you please see that our rooms are prepared for us, and that the young ladies -' he gestured towards Sam and I 'have someone help them with their belongings.'

Mrs Medlock still looked distraught, but duty instinctively took over.

'Very well Sir, right away Sir.'

She hurried up the steps towards the main door, holding her skirts as she went. Pausing to cast one last confused look in our direction.

'I'm afraid old Medlock is not used to surprises!' Colin laughed. 'Come now, let us go inside.'

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As soon as we entered the house, Colin went upstairs to his Father's library.

'I hope your Uncle is understanding, Mary.' Sam said nervously, as we walked upstairs to our rooms. 'I don't know what I'll do if he sends me home.'

Colin arrived in our rooms, rather breathlessly, an hour later.

'How did he take the news?' I asked, as soon as he entered the room.

'I won't lie to you Mary, he did not take the news at all well. I tried to tell him why we had to return, and I think he may beginning to understand, but he said he wants to speak to you alone.'

I heard Sam's quick intake of breath, and closed my eyes briefly, trying to fight off the beginnings of a wave of anxiety.

'I will go to him.' I said.

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I knocked on the heavy wooden door, then a few seconds later, heard my Uncle call out wearily 'come in.'

I entered the room, my eyes adjusting to the dim lighting. My Uncle was sitting at his desk beside the fireplace, his huge mastiffs curled up on the rug in their customary place by the fire.

Weariness seemed to engulf my uncle like a cloud. He looked up at me from the piles of paper and books around him, with dark circled eyes. His hair appeared lank and unkept and hung around his face, throwing shadows onto his pale skin. His brow was furrowed, and he didn't speak for a second, merely looked me up and down, as if he was seeing me for the first time.

'Uncle, I -'

The deliberate upwards movement of his hand stopped my words. He continued to stare at me, until I thought I would not be able to take it any longer. Then mercifully, he gestured for me to sit down in the chair beside his desk. I sat down weakly, my heart pounding, wondering how I was going to explain our sudden reappearance.

'I suppose,' he began 'that my son has told you that he has come to see me.'

'Yes.' I whispered, frightened by his piercing gaze. I drew my breath in, trying to summon up my stregnth. 'He said you wanted to speak to me alone, Uncle.'

'I do. Do you know, my young niece, what the consequences of your actions will be?'

'The consequences.....?' reaslisation dawned on me. 'surely you don't mean -'

'What I mean,' he said slowly and deliberately 'is that I have no choice but to send you back to London before you disgrace our entire family.'

My control broke 'But I thought Colin told you!' I cried, my voice rising in pitch in my desperation 'about what happened to me in London, about how Dr Sutherland's son - '

'Quiet!' he shouted. 'I find it hard to believe that a man as well brought up as Dr Sutherland's son could behave in such a manner.'

'But he did', I sobbed, my eyes filling with tears. 'Uncle, he hurt me.'

'It was supposed to be an educational time for you.' he said, ignoring my plea 'to turn you into a lady. And then you disappear from your host's residence, in the middle of the night, with my son and their daughter, without letting anyone know of where you are. Do you realise that Dr and Mrs Sutherland have been worried sick about Samantha's whereabouts, not to mention yours and Colins? when I received word yesterday that the three of you had disappeared, leaving behind a mere note, I could hardly believe what I was reading. I thought surely my son and niece would not do such a thing, disgrace our family name in such a way? You child,' he said, punctuating his words with the pounding of his fist on the tabletop 'have disgraced our family.'

The tears ran freely down my cheeks now, blurring my vision, but I made no attempt to wipe them away 'Uncle, please.... don't send me back there. I can't go back!' I reached over his desk and took his arm, willing him to change his mind. He looked down on me, and gave me a look of such contempt that I realised it was futile. Bursting into fresh tears I drew my hand away, barely noticing how much it was shaking.

'You will leave with my son and Miss Sutherland the next morning.' My Uncle replied, looking away from me. 'I cannot tolerate such behaviour from a young woman who is supposed to be in my care.'

I was shaking, this couldn't be happening, it just couldn't, was all that I could think. I suddenly visualised the long train trip back to London, the stares from the Sutherlands, the endless questioning, the shame, and worst of all – Williams snide grin and drawling voice 'Well, well, well, look who we have here.' I could never go back there, never!

'I won't go.' I said. 'You can't make me leave. You will have to drag me onto the train. I shan't go.'

With that I stood up, and barely hearing my Uncle's protests, ran from the room.

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The candle flickered feebly, casting it's soft glow about the room. I sighed, dipping the nib of my pen into the ink well, then began.

Dear Sam and Colin, I wrote.

I have to go, as I cannot stay here any longer. To stay here would mean to be forced to return to London, and you both know I cannot do that. To do so for me would be worse than dying. Please do not come looking for me, and please delay telling Uncle Archie that I am gone, for as long as possible. Burn this letter once you have read it. Colin, I will send word via Martha when I am somewhere safe. Until then, remember that I love both of you.

Mary

It was done. I scrawled my name on the bottom of the letter, then picked it up with trembling hands, blowing on it slightly to dry the ink. I held it to my chest, feeling my heart beating under the thick cotton of my gown. The last time I had worn this dress I had been merely an innocent child, spending long days in the garden. So much had happened since then.

I folded the note in half, placing it neatly inside the pocket of the coat that Sam had left in my room earlier that evening, where I knew she would find it.

I will remember, I thought to myself, I will get through this. I thought of the Moor boy who had befriended me all those years ago, whose voice soothed the rage within, whose embraces had made me feel whole once again. Did he still love me?

There was only one way to find out.

I closed the door to my room, and began to make my way down the long corridor to where I knew the door waited to the outside world, To my freedom..........and to Dickon.

The end