My Secret, Chapter 7

Chapter 7:
A secret meeting

My breath was cold in the chilly night air, and I pulled my wrap tighter around me. I was fighting off a continual urge to turn around and look back at the house – to see if there were any candles flickering in the windows. There weren't, however. The house was dark and silent, and as far as I knew, no-one was aware that I was missing. Good, I thought, smiling a little at Mrs Medlock being completely unaware that her protegee was currently hurrying through the manor gardens, in the middle of the night, clad only in a thin dress and a wrap! I felt a kind of wicked pleasure in this, and my heart beat grew faster. I wondered why I had never attempted this before now? sneaking out of the house had been even easier than I had anticipated, and now the cottage where Dickon lived was only a short walk away.

The moon was high in the starry sky when I left, and it cast a pale glow on the trees and paths of the walk. I felt frightened, but excited, as I strode down the gravel path – the events of the afternoon never far from my mind. I had never experienced anything like it, and I wanted Dickon badly. The urge to be with him was almost overpowering me, and it took every bit of self control I had not to go running up to the cottage.

I don't know how I did it, but somehow I had managed to sit through that dinner with my uncle, making conversation about Colin, and of London and the Sutherland family. But my thoughts had only been on Dickon. It was as though his kiss had started something within me that had filled me up from the inside. All I knew was that I felt as though I'd die if I didn't see him again. I walked on, looking for the familiar sight of the small brick cottage.

All of a sudden I saw it, walked a few paces more, then stopped dead in my tracks. The crunching of my feet on the gravel had began to sound louder than they had before, and now every movement I made seemed to reverberate throughout the whole yard. I snapped back to reality, stopped daydreaming about Dickon, and it wasn't a moment too soon. Up ahead, a light had flickered on in the darkness of the cottage. I ran behind a nearby tree, framed by the surrounding garden, and hid there, watching as the large, gaunt figure of Ben Weatherstaff appeared in the doorway.

'Ah! Bloody rheumatics!', I heard him say as he stretched on the porch, leaning his large hands onto his back. He was clad in a pair of what looked like old, red, long johns. I stiffledd a giggle, all at once thinking hysterically of what he would do if he found me hidden in the bush in front of his house. He looked so commical – so unlike his usual stern and stiff demeanour. Tufts of white hair sprung up from his head and out at funny angles. He has just woke up, I thought. I clapped a hand over my mouth in a desperate effort to stop the laughter within me from spluttering out, but in my hysteria, a giggle escaped. Simultaneously, I leaned further into the tree, without realising that an old wheelbarrow had been parked nearby. I must have knocked into it, for it went crashing to the ground, casting an ugly din into the still night air. I leant further against the tree, trying to melt into the bush: for all that Ben was old, his hearing, I knew, was still excellent, and as if on cue, I heard him call out in a quivering voice.

'Hello? is someone out there?' a few seconds passed, and I felt my heart race. After not receiving an answer he tried again, this time in a more gruff tone: 'I'll trust thee to stay away from my Gardening tools, whoever it is...' he trailed off, then muttered 'Bloody thieving gypsies, most like...' I saw him lean into the doorway of the house and call out gruffly: 'Dickon, come ere will tha! I hear noises in tha yard... come on boy! I think them gypsies are out there!' a second or two later, I heard a commotion coming from inside the dark cottage, coupled with Ben Weatherstaff's remark of 'Lazy boy...' It was almost a universally accepted truth to those that knew him, that Ben Weatherstaff was not a man who bestowed compliments lightly (or in most cases, at all).

Shortly I heard footsteps from inside the house and saw a familiar figure emerge in the doorway next to Ben. A sleep tousled Dickon with his long hair ruffled more than usual, donning a pair of pants and a loosely buttoned untucked shirt, which had obviously been thrown on in haste in the dark of his bedroom. My heart leapt at the sight of him, and I found I was not able to tear my gaze away. Still, I didn't want to startle Dickon, at least not in plain sight of Ben Weatherstaff, so I slowly made to move around to the side of the house. My movement did not go unnoticed, and I inwardly cursed under my breath. 'Does tha hear that, boy!' Ben exclaimed excitedly 'Tha' noise, comin' from ova there?!' I caught Dickon's voice, calm and collected 'Aye Ben, I hear it.' and then from Ben 'Well don't just stand there boy, rubbin' tha eyes like that. Get theeself out in tha yard and see wha it is.' 'Alright, Ben', I heard Dickon say, in a weary tone. Ben didn't seem to notice, and voiced his approval, and muttered something I couldn't quite make out, that contained the words 'Gypsies' and 'Gardenin' tools'. I moved as quickly and quietly as I could, further around the edge of the house, trying to make as little noise as possible, all the while, hearing Dickon's feet upon the gravel, advancing towards me.
Dickon moved loudly at first, then his footsteps grew quieter, and he moved almost stealthily though the night. I continued edging my way further around the house, wincing every now and again as twigs brushed my head and became ensnared on my clothes. Thankfully, I had now neared the side of the house, away from the commanding glare of Ben Weatherstaff, but unfortunately, right into the path of a large climbing rose. I gasped as the thorns became entangled in my clothing and scratched my hands and face, and struggled to free myself. Just then, I heard the crackle of broken twigs behind me and a cold voice say 'Turn around... and show theeself.'

I turned around slowly towards the towering figure of Dickon, illuminated in the moonlight, and as I did so, I felt him reach down and roughly grab my arm. As he shifted position, a shaft of moonlight fell on me and he saw my face. His expression changed from that of anger, to surprise, and then to fear. 'Miss Mary!', he whispered, a shocked expression gracing his features. 'Wha' is tha doing here?'

'I came to see you, of course', I whispered back, as loudly as I dared. 'and Dickon please let go of my arm, you're hurting me.' He dropped my arm and then bent down to help me untangle myself. 'But lass, in tha middle of tha night! if Ben finds you here he'll have to tell Mrs Medlock.'

Suddenly, as if on cue Ben's voice rang out 'Find anything yet, boy?' Dickon stood up. 'Aye Ben, twas only a wee cat, nothin' ta' worry about. I'll be in shortly, aye.' 'Hummmph' Ben grunted, and then his footsteps retreated inside the house.

'Come on', Dickon whispered, and took my hand, quickly leading me away from the house. We hurried away, heading towards the kitchen gardens. Once we were far enough away, we broke into a run, the tension easing as we did so, the excitement of the night setting in. I felt my face break into a smile, and Dickon's hand felt warm over mine.

'Lass, if I grow ta be an old man of ninety, I swear I'll never know anyone as canny as tha!' Dickon laughed, pausing to catch his breath. 'wha possed thee to sneak out of tha house? did tha miss me that much? it wasna that tha just fancied a little stroll through the garden at night?!'

I looked up into his broad, smiling face. 'Of course it was you I came to see, silly!' I exclaimed. 'Who else would I be sneaking around the cottage for? - Ben Weatherstaff?!'

Dickon laughed, and gripped my hand tightly. 'Aye, well they say he was a handsome enough fellow in his day', he replied, laughing, then reached down to encircle his arms around me, and drew me close to him. 'Of course, I never would have thought I'd have competition in such an old bachaelor, but...'

'Well, like you said, he was once a very handsome man', I replied, 'but I must admit – I do prefer my beaus to be slightly younger.'

Dickon drew me closer to him then, and we stood with our arms around each other, melting into the darkness together. I felt him reach down and kiss my hair, and then bring his hand up to smooth out the tangles in it.

'Can I speak freely to tha... Mary?' he asked.

'Yes', I replied. 'But lets sit down first.'

We wandered over, arm in arm, to one of the stone benches that were littered around the kitchen gardens. The tension of the previous events of evening had now drained away, and all I could think of was that I was with Dickon. I felt complete, safe and secure... whole.

'Well', he began 'I think I ought to tell tha... '

'Go on Dickon,' I urged gently, noticing that he had trailed off somewhat.

'Its just that...' he shrugged, then rushed out with 'I think I have loved tha' for along time now, Miss Mary.'

I felt a flush of warmth descend through my body as he said this. Images of days spent together in the garden descending through my mind. Of warm summer days, the sweet scent of the roses, Dickon's laughter, the garden, everything.

'You have?' I said.

'Aye, I have', he replied with great solemity. 'And Mary... I'm glad tha came tonight ta' see me. I'm more happy than I kin say.'

'I'm happy too, Dickon,' I replied, feeling tears welling up in my eyes and threatening to spill down my cheeks 'You make me feel so happy.'

Dickon's face broke into a huge, ecstatic grin as I said this, but then his look turned to puzzlement and concern when he noticed that I had begun to cry.

'But lass, why does tha' weep?' he asked, concernedly stroking my face, softly wiping away my tears with his hand.

I sniffed and tried to smile, 'I just feel so ... I feel too much about you', that's all Dickon. And I'm leaving in three days time... I don't want to go!' I burst out. 'I want to stay here with you and the garden, I want to be with you.'

The emotion surged up within me, threatening to break my control. I thought of how soon I would be leaving for London and leaving Dickon behind. He wouldn't be able to follow where I went. I felt so uncertain about the future. All I knew was that right now, I wanted to be with Dickon, and that being with him made me feel complete. As if in a trance, I reached up and kissed him desperately, and felt him kiss me back with equal passion.

'Don't stop', I whispered when he finally broke away.

'I don't want to, Miss Mary', he whispered back, and drew me closer to him. The feelings cascaded through me, with such intensity that I thought I would swoon. I felt the magic begin to rise up in me once again, and I knew that Dickon felt it too. It was the magic that said anything was possible, that the two of us could live forever and ever and ever. That we could do anything. That the world was ours. Kissing Dickon brought me closer to that point of infinity, and I felt as though the two of us could lift up into the heavens and go soaring through the stars together. It was like an endless summer day, like the beauty of a rose in that strange twilight time before dawn, like the rising of the sun over the land in spring. In that moment, I knew that I had also loved Dickon too, perhaps from the moment I met him as a young girl, when he had been the boy that charmed animals and lived wild and free on the moors. The boy that had smelt of heather and gorse that seemed to be part of the very land itself – timeless and ancient. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything.

I felt his hands slide around my waist and then reach up, further. I felt his fingers through my thin dress, exploring me, touching me in places I had never been touched.

I broke away and looked up into his face, seeing a wanting look in his dark eyes. I said yes to him, with every inch of my being. No words were needed. Time seemed to stand still as I felt his warm hands caressing my skin, stroking me softly and I felt an overwhelming desire to feel him – to know that he was mine. I reached up, placing my hands on his back, marvelling at the hard muscles that lay beneath his shirt. My hands slid down his back, coming down to where his shirt lay open. I couldn't resist, and reached up inside his shirt, touching his warm, smooth skin.

He gasped as I touched him but did not ask me to stop, so I slowly moved my hand up and down, marvelling at the smoothness of him, and the hardness of his muscles. He groaned, bending down to lightly kiss my neck. 'Ah, tha feels so good...' he muttered, in a tone that I hadn't heard him use before.

His lips on my neck, lightly caressing me, caused me to begin shaking. But I was not shaking with fear. I was shaking more with desire, with wanting him. I wanted him to keep going, knowing that this was not all, that there was something more. I moaned, and his kisses on my skin grew deeper.

Then a loud voice piercing the air broke us out of our reverie.

'Dickon? where are tha, lad?'

I froze and pulled my hands away, and Dickon did the same.

'Its Ben, he's lookin for me.' Dickon said, looking up, wild eyed. 'Lord, I forgot all about him. He would ha' been waitin.'

'Go to him', I said urgently. 'we can't have him find us here.'

'Aye', but before I go...

He kissed me once again, and although it was brief it was not lacking in passion. He gasped as he pulled away.

'Ah! tha has a lot to answer for, old man!' he said with mock anger, gesturing in frustration towards the direction of the cottage. I pulled my wrap tightly around me, feeling the desire still pulsing within me.

'I have to see you again, Dickon', I said, getting up with him. 'Tomorrow night then? the same time? I will be quieter, I promise.'

'Aye, but lets meet in tha' secret garden. Not tha' cottage, tis too risky. I dinna want Ben catchin ya, he is a crafty old man.'

'Goodnight then, Dickon... till tomorrow', I said, clasping his hands.

'Aye, and take care Mary. I canna wait for tomorrow night to come, aye.' He paused and then said softly 'I love thee.'

I looked down, felt him unclasp his hands from mine, and before I had a chance to respond, he was gone, having melted stealthily into darkness like a creature of the night. I looked down at my hands, they were shaking... I felt as though the world had tilted on it's axis. Feelings collided through me, and I felt wild and alive with possibilities and excitement. No dream could ever have been as beautiful as what had just happened between Dickon and I.

'Tomorrow night it is then, ' I whispered softly, drawing my wrap around me. 'Until then, goodbye Dickon... and ... I... I love you too.'