My Secret, Chapter 5

Chapter 5:
Love's beautiful infinity

Fours days and I would be in London, I thought miserably, as I viewed my appearance in the mirror. I was clad in a long white dress that was buttoned up high on my neck. The buttons were of pearl, my gloves were of lace, and upon my feet I wore satin slippers. I looked at myself for a long time, wondering who this stranger was that stared back at me. The young woman in the mirror looked every inch a lady – the young woman on the other side of the mirror felt as though she was an impostor, and longed to break free from the life she had been forced to live. 'Just wait, be patient', I murmured to myself.

Presently, Sarah joined me in my room, holding a large wide-brimmed hat in her hands – designed no doubt to 'shade my face and delicate features' from the sun. 'Here Miss, put this on', she said to me, with a yorkshire accent that was still heavy. Sarah had only been at Misselthaite for less than a year and still carried the accent of her home and upbringing. 'Come on now, it won't bite', she remarked, upon seeing the apparent scowl on my face. Sighing, I lifted it up onto my head and then stood impatiently as she fastened it under my chin.
'There now, don't you just look lovely?' she said to me, smiling. I didn't reply, but walked over to the window and watched the scurrying and activities happening below at the front of the house. A carriage was being prepared for Mrs Medlock, who would be spending the day visiting her sister in the village. Her outings like this were rare and the opportunity it presented was not lost on me. I knew that this was to be one of my last days of freedom before London beckoned, and if that was so, I intended to make the most of it. I turned and came towards her.

'Sarah?', I asked.

'Yes Miss?', she replied, turning from the wardrobe.

'Is it possible for you to bring me my old gardening boots? I fancy a walk through the garden, and these slippers really aren't suitable.'

I saw her wrinkle her nose slightly as if she wanted to say but why on earth would you want to do that? but she responded kindly.

'Yes Miss, I'll fetch them for you right away.' Bobbing a curtsey, she left and I returned to the window. I stood, half hidden behind the heavy curtains, and watched as Mrs Medlock got into the carriage, feeling excitement rise up in my chest. I felt more alive than I had for weeks, and I felt the despair that had been consuming me, begin to lift. Now there was nothing standing in the way of me spending time in the secret garden... and with Dickon.

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It was unusually warm for an early autumn day and once I left the house and entered the secluded pathway, I found myself unbuttoning the collar of my dress. Breathing freely once again, I immersed myself in the sounds and scents of the walk. Overhead I could hear the birds chirping in the tall trees, and as I walked, the smell of dry leaves crunching underfoot rose up to meet me. The shady paths began to give way to the spacious vegetable and herb gardens, where Dickon and Ben Weatherstaff worked. I couldn't see them anywhere, but knew that they couldn't be too far away. I also knew that this would be one of my last chances to speak to Dickon, and that I was bound to see him this morning in the garden. Maybe now, things would be able to go back to the way they were, I thought... although part of me still remembered what had happened that morning in the garden, and I felt my heart beat quicken. I remembered the softness of his voice when he had said 'and you are mine, Miss Mary', and the way our faces had nearly touched. Was it really so terrible to wish that something more had happened that day? that he had, I blushed, kissed me? I had never been kissed by anyone before, and could only imagine how the soft feel of his lips on mine would be. I could hardly wait to see him and drew on impatiently to the garden.

At last I came upon it, and pushed the door open. I entered, and looked around for Dickon's familiar form, bent over and working in the garden. I didn't see him, and after a quick search it became obvious he was nowhere to be found. Sighing a little, I sat down near the flowerbeds and removed my gloves, readying myself for weeding. He was not here now, but there were signs that he had been here recently. Some of the rose bushes had been pruned and the dead growth from the garden had been removed. I was confident that if I waited long enough, he would come. 'Patience, patience', I murmered, and then set about my task.

Midday was approaching fast, and the day had grown very warm. I had spent most of the morning weeding the garden, and had now moved to a shady spot under one of the Apple trees surrounded by Empress of India lillies. I had worked hard in the garden, and could now feel tiredness overwhelming me. Surely it would be alright if I rested for a while, I thought, thinking of how nice it would be to lay down under the tree on the lush grass and stare up at the saphire sky through the branches. Slowly, dreamily, I lowered myself down onto a dry patch of grass and eased myself back, feeling the warmth of the ground and the scent of flowers rising up all around me. I released my hair, so I could be more comfortable and spread it out under my head like a makeshift pillow. Dreamily I stared up at the branches and leaves, noting the deep blue sky behind them. It was all so peaceful, so lovely and tranquil. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so at peace. I unbuttoned my dress slightly, so I could feel the warmth of the sun on my bare skin. Breathing in the heavy scent of the flowers, I sighed and closed my eyes.

The sound of twigs snapping drew me out of my slumber. Sleepily, I opened my eyes, then drew my hand up to shield them from the sun. I turned my head slightly, and saw Dickon, sitting a few feet away from me. He saw me looking at him, and smiled shyly.

'I didna want to wake ye', he said softly, not meeting my gaze 'yeh looked so peaceful asleep'.

'Mmmm...' I said, rubbing my eyes 'I didn't mean to fall asleep.' I yawned 'and I'm still so tired.'

'Ye've been asleep these last two hours past', he replied, something of a slight smile showing on his face 'thought it would be best if ye didna sleep the whole day away.'

I looked at him closely and noticed how calm and relaxed he seemed. He carried the look that he'd often had in the past – one of tenderness and patience, that I had seen displayed so many times on his face, whenever he had cared for one of his creatures.

'You mean to say', I began 'that you've been here these last two hours?'

'Aye', he smiled 'keeping me from me gardenin' duties you are. Better not tell Ben, eh.'

Suddenly, it occurred to me that all the awkwardness between us had vanished. I smiled at him and sat up.

'Well, for your sake I hope he doesn't still have that ladder of his and hasn't been peeping over the top of the hedges at you!'

'Ah lass!', he laughed 'He'd be seeing you too, aye? and what would he say to that – a lady asleep in the middle of a flowerbed?!'

We both laughed at this, and still laughing, Dickon said ' Eh hold on, I think tha has a bug in tha hair - don't move now aye', and before I could say anything he was reaching over to me, his fingers lightly brushing my hair, his face only inches away from mine. 'There,' he said huskily, 'I think thats got it.'

He said this, but did not pull away, and I sat still as his fingers moved from my hair, down to the side of my face. He moved like a man in a dream, entranced by what he had seen. His touch seemed to awaken my skin, and I could feel where his fingers had been, as though I was on fire. I must have gasped because he went to pull his hand away, but I reached down and stopped him, holding my hand over his. Slowly, I looked up to his face, and his deep searching eyes, finding myself unable to take myself away from his gaze.

'Mary, ... I...I...' and then, unable to say what he needed to in words, he reached down and kissed me.

I had thought before that the touch of his fingers on my skin had caused me to feel as though I was on fire, but his kiss was much more than that. I felt his soft mouth on mine, warming me up from the inside out. I felt a wonderous sensation begin to build inside me as I kissed him back. The whole world felt more alive than it had ever done before, everything new and exciting. I found myself matching his passionate kisses and all my thoughts and worries vanished in an ecstascy of feeling – where there was only Dickon – his warmth his touch, and his mouth on mine.

After what seemed like an eternity, we parted, and he said shakily 'tha has no idea how long I've wanted ta do that.'

'You've got no idea how long I've wanted to do that', I replied, feeling myself still trembling inside. 'That was...' I struggled to think of words to describe it ... beautiful.'

'Aye lass, I know', he whispered, and pulled me to him, so that I was leaning on his broad chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I did the same to him, resting my head on his shoulder. One of his hands reached up and stroked my hair lightly, and he kissed my cheek softly. I marvelled at the feel of him, of his hard body beneath mine, feeling his strong arms wrapped around me. I felt safe, I felt loved... I felt... complete. The moment was more than beautiful, it was eternal.